Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Why do all the best foods have to be so bad?

Yesterday I had plans to go out to dinner, so like any calorie conscious individual I tapered my calorie intake during the day so leave plenty of room for dinner.  With a 2,030 calorie max, I consumed only about 600 calories, leaving 1400 for the delicious dinner that awaited me.

Outback Steakhouse.

Now mind you, props to Outback for adding calories to their menu.  I'm sure the waitress giggled a little when she saw this chubby brown man looking at  the menu angrily as he tried to figure out what to order, counting the calories with his fingers, and grimacing as he realized he'd be over his limit if he ordered everything he wanted.

Despite that, I persevered.  My order consisted of the following (Disclaimer: I didn't take these pictures, as I forgot to last night!):

Ceasar Salad (300 calories)

Garlic Mashed Potatoes (1/2 order) (Not including that steak!) (150 calories)

Green Beans (1/2 Order) (25 calories)

Outback Special (9 oz) (400 calories)

I was good to go.  Add to that half a loaf of bread and some butter, and my order consisted of about 900 calories, well below the 1400 calories I had set aside for this meal, and I was ready to chow down to my heart's content.  And then I realized my fatal mistake.  I had left out the most important part:

The Bloomin Onion (1949 Calories)

That's right.  That deliciously battered and fried onion soaked in that exquisite, slightly spicy yellowish secret sauce is utter perfection, and just under 2000 calories.  Of course, I had no intention of eating the whole onion, but half?  Half of the onion is certainly doable, and I can shamelessly say I've eaten have a Bloomin Onion in the past.  But that's still 1000 calories, shooting me well above my maximum.

What's a fattie to do?  Well, I dug deep and ate only 1/4 of this onion, lamenting as the rest of it went into the to-go box, never to experience it's former glory again.  I shall eat you today, Leftover Bloomin Onion, but I know that you'll be but a mere shadow of your former glorious self.