Buffets are the Devil

I love buffets, but they are the devil.  Even more so than a normal meal out, buffets have this added pressure.  If you’re a fattie like me, I know you’ve experienced it.   When I go to a restaurant I tend to be rather cost conscious.  I’ll usually order just what I want to eat, without packing on a bunch of extras.  Buffets, however, are a whole different story.  The salads whisper, “You paid $20 bucks for rabbit food?”  The water chuckles, “That’s right, fill up on me so you won’t eat much.”  And that oh so delicious, not very nutritious taco bar, well, that says, “Hi, I’m a fuckin taco bar.  Need I say more?”

Buffets always tend to make me eat more than what I need to feel full.  There’s this internal cost analysis that seems to tell me I’m making money by eating more, and because of it, I’ll end up stuffing my face until all I can think about is rolling into bed and passing out.  I’m often satiated before that third trip back to the counter, but I just can’t help myself.  It’s really bad.

The worst is probably the all-you-can-eat sushi places.  They had you a menu with a grid, and you check off what you want each round, and the waiter brings the dishes to you.  The first time I went to one of these places was with my brother.  The lady handed us the list, and the grid had 3 columns, which we took to mean we could order 3 times.  We asked the waitress what would happen if we wanted more after a third time.  She just laughed and said we’d be done by then.  So what are two fatties to do, when the gauntlet has been laid down?

We ate.  We ordered a ton of sushi on the first and second rounds, and by then we were full.  We should have stopped there, but we had to prove that waitress wrong, so we ordered yet another round.  By the end of the third round, we were just about ready to burst, but we couldn’t let the waitress know that she was right, so we ordered a fourth round.  That fourth round was complete and utter torture.  The sushi that just 40 minutes earlier had our mouths watering now had us gagging.  20 minutes later, we had successfully completed that 4^th round, and we paid our check and walked out, full of pride, and about 30 pounds of sushi.

What have I come to realize?  I don’t even like feeling that full.  At the very least, it’s uncomfortable, and when it’s really bad, it actually hurts!  Why do I do this to myself?  Because buffets are evil, but I love them anyway.